the not-so-secret recipe of the ultra-delicious toasted flaked beef con crispy potato tots

Also known as Corned Beef with Potatoes.

The maid is currently out of town (wow, maid na ngayon ang nag o-out of town), and I've been assigned as the reluctant chef of the house. Having been an apprentice of Rachel Rae for two years (that was before post grad school, 30 minutes every late afternoon), I consider myself a savant of delish food to go.

Procedure:

First, get those potatoes and wash them. I used Joy dishwasing liquid but my aunt said that was unhealthy, so I just soaked them in water for a few hours (lost track of time--I was reading Gaiman).

Second, cut them into tiny bits. Don't peel 'em. My aunt scolded me for not peeling them. I told her, matter of factly, that nutrients are stored in the skin of legumes and to remove it would be a waste. She bit it. Whew. Because really, I just forgot.

Third, fry 'em in butter till they turn crispy. Amount of butter--depends on how much you love your life. How long to fry--about two commercial breaks. If you didn't peel your potatoes, maybe it'll be a good idea to make them extra crispy. Think Safeguard commercial, except that the soap is really a potato. 99.9% of germs.. Then, set aside.

Fourth, open your corned beef can. Be careful. And choose Purefoods. For once let's agree with and not question Kris Aquino. But don't choose the chunky ones that look like pet food unless you want to emphathize with Brownie, or Bruno, for that matter.

Fifth, put in garlic in your pan like there's no tomorrow. You're eating at home and to hell with hellish breath. Fry, again till they turn a bit crispy.

Sixth, put in your corned beef. Don't add water. Ugh. You want a toasty effect on your dish. It is not a stew. If you think it's cooked (I leave this to your judgment because I personally can't tell when beef crosses the thin red line between being "rare" and being "done"), rejoice. You're about to finish.

Finally, put in the crispy potatoes. Sautee a bit. Then shout "I am the Iron Chef!" in a husky voice. Woof, woof. That seals the cooking procedure.

There. Thanks to the glory of canned food, you can have a gourmet dish in less than 30 minutes.
Don't ask me though what's inside those beef flakes, or if they really are beef. We are not privy to such secrets. This is one of the rare times that we should concede and think that ignorance is bliss.

If you've tried it and didn't like it, call 911-1111.